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Andrew Dice Clay dirty nursery rhymes


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#1 Mr. Biggles

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Posted 12 September 2005 - 10:24 PM

Little Bo Peep fucked her sheep
Blew a horse, licked his feet
She ate his ass so very nice
Tongued his balls not once but twice

Peter Peter Pumpkin Eater
Had a wife, loved to beat her
Smacked her twice across the head
Fucked her ass and went to bed

Little Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
A lightbulb was stuck up her ass
It woke up the spider who lived deep inside her
He said "hey, free electric and gas!"

Jack and Jill went up the hill
And Jack would try to hump her
Jill said "no", Jack said "so, I'll ram it in your
dumper!"

Twinkle Twinkle little star
Will she blow me in the car
Because I bought her dinner, she had fun
Now my balls are boiling and I'd like to cum

Old mother hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her old dog a snack
The cupboard was bare
She didn't despair
She let Rover munch on her crack

Peter Peter pumkin eater
Whacked off in the movie theater
Sprayed his load across the screen
And ruined Titanic's final scene

Hickory Dickory Dock
My balls fell out of my jock
I laid them to rest
On some hooker's chest
And paddled her face with my cock

Betty and Jack, up a tree
F-U-C-K-I-N-G
First cums Betty, then cums Jack
Then cums the goo out of Betty's crack

Little Boy Blue
He needed the money

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie
Jerked off in his girl friends eye
When her eye was dry and shut
Georgie Fucked that one-eyed slut

Old King Cole was a merry old soul
A merry old soul was he
He chewed off his tit, ate his own shit
Washed it down with some tea

Roll, roll, roll your cunt
Gently down my prick
Merrily, merrily, merrily, merrily
Then you'll suck my dick

Hickory dickory dock
Some chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck two, I dropped my goo
I dumped the bitch on the next block.

Jack and Jill went up the hill
Both with a buck and a quarter
Jill came down with two-fifty
That fuckin' Whore.

Mary, Mary, quite contrary,
Trim that pussy it's so damn hairy

Littly Miss Muffet
Sat on a tuffet
Eating her curds and whey
Along came a spider,
Sat down beside her, And said, "Hey, what's in the bowl, bitch?"

Old Mother Hubbard
Went to the cupboard
To get her dog a bone
She bent over,
Rover took over
And she got a bone of her own

Jack Sprat could eat no fat
His wife could eat no lean
So Jack ignored those flabby tits
And licked her asshole clean

Rock-a-bye baby, on the tree top
Your mother's a whore
I ain't your pop

Little jack Horner sat in a corner
Eating a pizza pie
He shit pepperoni, blew his friend Tony
And wiped his mouth on his tie

Twinkle, twinkle little star
How I wonder what you are
Shine upn the parking lot
As I eat my girl friends twat

Three blind mice, see how they run
Where the fuck are they going?

Eenie, Meenie, Miney, Moe
Suck my dick and swallow slow

Jack be nimble, Jack be quick
Jack burnt off his fuckin' dick

There was an old lady
Lived in a shoe
She had so many kids
Her uterus fell out

Patty cake, patty cake
Baker's man
If your chick's on her period
Fuck her in the can

Mary had a little lamb
She kept in her backyard
When she took her panties off
His wooley dick got hard

Hey diddle diddle, the cat and the fiddle
The cow jumped over the moon
That's more than my lazy wife does
That fat, fuckin' smelly babboon

Doe, a deer, a female deer
Ray,
The guy that fucked her ass

Rub a Dub Dub
Three men in a tub
Faggots have threesomes, too
So fuckin' what

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I fucked your mother's ass
And she had you

#2 Mr. Biggles

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Posted 12 September 2005 - 10:55 PM

more dice stuff

To my Valentine,
Today I was going to buy you a box of chocolates to eat but as it is you're a big, fat Ox. Instead, I'll shove the chocolates up your asshole and watch you suck on five of my friends cocks.

Happy Valentines Day!

A B C D E F G
Suck my cock then watch me pee.

Three little kittens
lost their mittens
so they started to cry
they fucked a toad
blew their load
fucked off and died.

Humpty Dumpty say on a wall
Humpty Dumpty had great big balls
All the king's horses
And all the king's men
Blew Humpty Dumpty
Again and again.

OHHHHHHHH!!!

Georgie Porgie, pudding and pie
Fucked the girls and made them cry
Georgie never returned their calls
He just wanted to empty his balls

Hickory dickory dock
This chick was sucking my cock
The clock struck four, the fuckin' whore
Fucks every guy on the block.

#3 silvertongue

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Posted 13 September 2005 - 12:31 AM

Gotta love the Dice Man! :rotflmao1

Thanks, wickie. :up:


#4 Mr. Biggles

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Posted 13 September 2005 - 01:30 AM

more dice

One potato
Two potato
Three potato
Four
Your mother takes it in the ass
The filthy cocksuckin' whore!

OHHHHHHH!!!

#5 Mr. Biggles

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Posted 13 September 2005 - 01:32 AM

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I'll fuck your cunt
And asshole too!

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe
She sucked my cock, the fuckin' ho.

Eeny, Meeny, Miney, Moe
She swallowed my entire load.

The other day I was paintin’ this chick’s face with my CUM.
So she sez,

“Why do you have to cum all over my face?
That’s what guys to whores they don’t care about.
Don’t you care about me?"

So I sez,

“No.”

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

#6 Mr. Biggles

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Posted 13 September 2005 - 11:31 AM

Old King Cole is a merry old soul
A merry old soul he is
His queen he fucked, his dick she sucked
So he covered her face with his jizz.



Hey fiddle fiddle
Little boys you like to diddle
The priest jumped over the pew
You freaks got your thrills
You now should all be killed
Damn, I'm glad I was born a Jew.

On St. Paddy's day
You're wearin' the the green
Tightly wrapped
Around the biggest tits ever seen
You make me drool
And jerk off daily
I'd like to plow you
With my big Shalaylee.


OHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

#7 Mr. Biggles

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Posted 13 September 2005 - 09:26 PM

Easter is upon us
The bunny and the eggs
My wife's younger sister
Hot ass and long legs
I'll take her in the bedroom
While the family eats Easter dinner
My big throbbin' cock
I will put it in her
I will cum on her tits
I will tell her how I missed her
My holiday's not over
My wife has another sister.

The Easter Bunny hides the eggs
Between your mother's hairy legs
When you find them it's a bitch
Cuz they smell like tuna fish.

OHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Fee Fi Fo Fum
Suck my dick and watch me cum

OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

Mary Mary shaved her cunt
Now she looks like Alan Funt

OHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

Good Ol’ Mother Goose, remember her?
I fucked her…
…IN THE ASS!!!!

OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!

#8 Mr. Biggles

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Posted 13 September 2005 - 09:27 PM

The other day this chick was suckin' my dick.
So she sucks it, stops, talks a few seconds, sucks it, stops,
talks a few seconds, stops, talks...

So I sez to her,

"Hey, honey! It's a dick, not a microphone!"

The other day this chick was suckin' my dick.
(This was a different chick.)
So she's talkin' to me as she's suckin' my dick.
You know what she said?

"MMMMMMMBLLLGGMMMMMMGGFFFF!"

HA HA HA HA HAHAHA
HAHAHAHA HA HA HA!!!!!




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